Worthy

21 Oct

Part 5 of Agnes Kowalski’s Subconscious Smackdown was the toughest segment. The questions aren’t really any more difficult, but the rationalization is tougher to cut through.

Do I have what it takes to make my dreams come true? The answer is complex because I know exactly what it takes because I have been there. Oh, not all the way, but close enough to know I had the talent and the charisma to go all the way. What I didn’t have was that unshakable belief in myself that you only get from a nurturing, supportive family or ten years with a really good shrink.

One of the most harmful things about growing up with an unhealthy family dynamic is that you develop a set of equally unhealthy survival techniques.

I managed to let go of most of mine except one. It is going to be tough to get rid of because it is so second nature to me because I have been doing it since I was a toddler, but I will never get to where I want to be if I don’t.

When something happens to me that makes me feel so devastated, or hurt or lost, or scared that all I want to do is disappear, I do. I walk away. I start over and live a life that is so incredibly simple and solitary, that I have as much control over it, as anyone possibly can have over their environment.

This does not work. Yes. It works in the sense that for a while you are able to forget what you are walking away from, while you re-establish yourself, but eventually you become haunted by all the things you should have done, should have said, should have been.

What do successful people have that I don’t have or that I suppress? What did I have that I don’t have now?  I am too ready to take no for an answer. I am too ready to walk away from a creative opportunity if it involves competing for it or fighting for it. Energy. And even though I developed my alter ego, Danger Girl, to help me do the things that scared the shit out of me, I am to afraid to take the leap of cutting back on my work hours or find a less demanding job, in order to give me more time to invest in writing my future.

I think it’s likely more simple than that. I think highly successful people don’t live in their head because they are too busy moving forward aligning themselves with their desires and saying yes to everything risky or not that gets them closer to their dreams.

Throughout this Subconscious Smackdown, I have found myself letting go of layers and layers of thoughts, beliefs and behaviours that don’t serve me. I have a plan. It’s going to take a lot of discipline to get rid of some of the things I talked about in this post but writing them down made them seem so undesirable that after I re-read them I found myself getting angry that I ever allowed them to stand in my way. I also found myself feeling excited about the adventures ahead.

I can’t wait to fly.

If you have found any of these posts helpful, check out the Aggie K’s videos for all 5 parts on my FB page or look them up on Youtube.

#subconscioussmackdown #p2p #moneymindset #aggiek#abundancearmy 

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